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» AUG. 1, 2015 VOL. 177 «

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TIPS FROM JEREMY VALDEZ


<pretend these are tips or shit>

"Let's see, let's see. Was it ninety-three? Ninety-four? I'd forget my head if I didn't keep it carefully labeled. In the closet, no, wait, that's not the note I was looking for. Ah, here, history. Good heavens, ninety-one. Has it been that long? Wait, how long has it been? What's the date? Never mind. Anyway, I started having ideas one day. Just ideas, pouring in from everywhere. Can hardly look at a shovel without getting an idea for a digging machine, or a computer without seeing if it dreams of sheep. Oh, I could use lasers for a drill, taking note. I'd always been a tinkerer, ever since I was a boy. Had model rockets and ray guns, and all sorts of toys like that. Get them from stores or mail order or wherever I could."

"Not at the moment, no, but there's always new business just around the corner. People need things built. Sound guns, hypnosis lenses, rocket skis. Night vision goggles that work even when there's no light whatsoever. A little pedestrian, but it pays the bills. Haven't heard much lately, but I'm sure they'll be in touch soon."

"You know, I'm not entirely sure anymore. I don't think I was dying or anything. No, my body's still perfectly viable, if I could remember where I put it all. Can't remember why I did it, or quite when. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. Usually does. Somehow didn't work out quite how I thought, I don't think. Or maybe it did. Anyway, I get by."


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