Hot-coles:boxing-enhancement
Boxers_Brief_1.jpg

The first instance of SCP-XXXX-1 vocalizing the words "I see you laughing scientist, you better hope I don't ever become normal again because I WILL beat the shit out of you!"

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The entire supply of SCP-XXXX is currently kept inside a Safe class anomaly locker at Site-23. Testing of SCP-XXXX must first gain approval from the Site-23 administrator Dr. Tapp. SCP-XXXX-2 is to be contained in the same Safe class locker as SCP-XXXX.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are to also be contained in Safe class anomaly lockers at Site-23 and provided several amenities.

CONTAINMENT UPDATE: Due to its nature, SCP-XXXX-2 has little to no research value and has been reclassified as an anomalous item. See the Log of Anomalous Items for further details.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the collective designation of twenty four pharmaceutical tablets created by known Person of Interest 'dado'. SCP-XXXX instances are dark pink in coloration and are universally regarded as 'disgusting, yet bearable' in flavor.

Upon the ingestion of an instance of SCP-XXXX, the subject (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXXX-1) will instantly experience a change in their phsyical form by morphing into an article of clothing; specifically, men's boxer briefs. SCP-XXXX-1 instances retain their sapience throughout the process and also retain their ability to produce speech through anomalous means. The process takes no less than five minutes to reach complete transformation.

Forensic analysis of SCP-XXXX revealed that the tablets contain traces of dead human skin cells, as well as traces of cotton and polyester. Despite this, SCP-XXXX is mainly composed of unidentifiable anomalous components.

Addendum XXXX.1: SCP-XXXX was first discovered in Denver, Colorado on May 16th, 2017 after local police reports of 'sounds of a dying cat' were filed coming apartment B9 of the Greenview apartment complex. Local Foundation Agent Everwood was dispatched under the guise of a local police officer.

Upon entrance of the apartment, Agent Everwood located an instance of SCP-XXXX-1. The anomaly identified itself as twenty-six year old male Matthew Vickers. Subject explained to Agent Everwood its situation of how they came into contact with known PoI 'dado'. The following text message log was recovered from the contents of Matthew Vicker's cell phone.1

May 13, 2017, 6:21 PM

Hey dude, I heard from a source that you deal some of the best shit on the market.

You're the guy, right?

yes u reach dado what u looking for today?


Alright listen. I'm currently trying to get stronger, right? To be blunt, I need steroids. Some of the best you got.

ok u want pill that make you the muscley man yes

dado can make that for u, ez job.

Nice. And I'm going to need that within the next few days too, I don't have much time. I'm a professional boxer and I need to be able to beat the shit out of the competetion in the next few weeks.


u r pro dog?

that a silly line of job no?

u do better doing normal people job.

Did you just call me a fucking dog?

Don't act like you know shit. Boxing is WAY manlier profession than your cowardly drug dealing ass.

I could beat you shitless if you were here right now.

wow

all dado say is pro boxer is silly

Oh yeah? Well you don't see me talking about how fat your mother is do I?

'oh sorry all I said was your mom was fat'

Don't feel so good huh jackass.

dado senses that u have insecure masculinity issues

maybe u could buy dado's pill of chill to go with ur muscle man pill?

Man I dunno what kind of drug dealer you are, but you are weird as fuck. Take the steroids and shove them up your ass. We're done here.

wait

dado sorry, customer always right

what if dado told u that he have something stronger than muscle man pill

maybe this gives you interest?

You're telling me you have something stronger than steroids.

when u trust dado good things come 2 u.

Okay, sure pill guy. You have me interested. How much would this be costing me though?

oh. don't worry, this on the house.

Holy shit dude, you're giving me free steroids?

compliment of the chef

dado has amazon prime, ur boxer enhancement pills will be delivered invahgxkusjq

…wtf?

sry iguana walk on keyboard

Just text me again when you have the steroids delivered okay?

May 14, 2017, 5:49 AM

boxer pills outside

What the fuck, these aren't steroids there all pink and shit!

u need to trust dado.

boxer pills better than stereoid

just try 1 and see how u feel

Did you lace this shit with something? I just popped 1 in my mouth and I feel like shit.

the joke is on u, boxer man

u give dado ur trust

now u see what happen when u cross dado. enjoy pills made directly from dado laundry and tan.

SCP-XXXX and the SCP-XXXX-1 instance were both recovered without casualty. Class A amnestics were administered to witnesses of the event.

Addendum XXXX.2: Seventeen days consecutive to the containment of SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-1, an amazon branded package had suddenly manifested at the Gate A entrance of Site-25. The side of the package was marked 'for boxer man'. A quick X-ray test revealed the package to be non-malicious. The content of the package revealed a ziplock bag holding five green tablets (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXXX-2) as well as a sticky note. The bag was marked in black permanent marker as 'dado anti-boxer pills' (sic). Below is a transcript of the note.

dear boxer man (and i guess team opposition dado)

dado has been thinking for the last few weeks, and the guilt has continued to build up.

so, dado realize that he is not heartless. this is not who dado wants to be. i am fine capitalist, not life ruiner.

dado decided to help redeem himself. the green pills included in this package are anti-boxer pills. take 1 with water and u will be back to ur hip non pro boxer self yessir

ok that is all

Site administer Dr. Tapp permitted the administration of one instance of SCP-XXXX-2 to be used on SCP-XXXX-1. The administration was successful, and SCP-XXXX-1 transformed back into a regular, non-anomalous human being. Subsequent to the event, SCP-XXXX-1 underwent several more tests before deemed neutralized. SCP-XXXX-1 was administered Class C amnestics and was transferred back to Denver, Colorado and given a cover story.