RockTeethMothEyes:Intended-Purpose
rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored in a standard containment locker at Site-55. A formal request must be sent to Dr. Everwood before dismantling the object.

In the event of an injury caused by SCP-XXXX, the accompanying staple remover is to be used.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a stapler able to punch a staple through any amount of material. The word "Avelar" is engraved on the top of the handle and a support phone number is located on the bottom of the object.

It accomplishes this by instantly modifying the loaded staples in length, as well as making them impervious to damage. Additionally, staples modified by SCP-XXXX are unable to be removed the moment it is bent.

SCP-XXXX has approximately 2.5cm of space between its hammer and anvil. However, it's anomalous properties will initiate as long as the loaded staple is angled towards the metal plate, regardless of whether the anvil is attached. By this method, SCP-XXXX is capable of punching staples through multiple surfaces, even piercing through concrete.

Incident XXXX.2: During a limit test, D-1221 was instructed to hold the anvil of SCP-XXXX against the ceiling of the controlled testing chamber while Dr. Fynegan punched the staple through the floor above. After approximately thirty minutes1, D-1221 experienced fatigue in their arm and subsequently dropped the anvil. Upon retrieval of the anvil, Fynegan successfully punched a staple through the floor, ceiling, ladder, and D-1221's left hand.

Given the indestructible nature of the staple, on-site personnel were unable to remove it from D-1221's hand. The customer service number was then contacted for assistance.

Interviewer: Researcher Waters

Foreword: On-site staff were present to monitor the call. Researcher Waters was instructed to draw out the conversation while an origin trace was conducted.

<BEGIN LOG>

Call is initiated. The line rings once before cutting to an automated transmission.

Female Voice: Thank you for calling Avelar Professional Products Incorporated! Your call is very important to us. In order to ensure quality service, your call may be monitored. Please stay on the line, and one of our representatives will take your call as soon as possible.

Light jazz begins playing on the other line. Two minutes pass.

Representative2: Hello, and thank you for calling Avelar Customer Support. This is Caroline speaking. May I please get your name for our records?

Waters: Yes, this is May Watson speaking.

Caroline: … Thank you so much for your call today Ms. Watson. And what is the product that you are calling about?

Waters: I'm calling about the, um, the stapler. I don't have a model number here.

Caroline: No worries, Ms. Watson. Is it alright to assume you are referring to our popular premium-grade office stapler? The black one with our company name on the top?

Waters: Yes, that's correct.

Caroline: Okay, and what is the issue?

Waters: One of our employees has been inflicted with a serious injury and we can't remove the staple. He can't move from where he is right now.

Caroline: Oh dear, that's no good! Have you tried using our APP brand staple remover?

Waters: It didn't come with a staple remover.3

Caroline: It should have. Are you sure you haven't misplaced it?

Waters: I'm positive. Is the staple remover the only option?

Caroline: … I'm actually not certain.

Waters: You're telling me you don't know how your own product works?

Caroline: I'm sorry, Ms. Watson. Please excuse me one moment while I transfer you to a tier two support representative. They should be able to offer you a more satisfactory response. Please hold.

Light jazz music begins playing on the other line. Five minutes pass,

Representative4: Thank you for holding, this is Kevin speaking. Would you please state your name for our records?

Waters: May Watson.

Kevin: … Thank you, May. And what seems to be the issue?

Waters: One of our employees has a staple in their left hand after using one of your staplers. The black one. We aren't able to remove it.

Kevin: … Alright. I should mention that we aren't liable for any misuse of our products. Have you tried using our APP brand staple remover before making this call?

Waters: It didn't come with one.

Kevin: No, it doesn't come with one, but they are available for purchase. However, because of the work-related injury, we can send one to you free-of-charge. Can I get a mailing address?

Waters: I'm sorry, but I fail to see why you wouldn't include the staple remover with the stapler if this is something that could potentially happen.

Kevin: Ms. Watson, I understand that you are frustrated with our product, but we are not liable for any other uses of our products that are not the intended use.

Waters: Considering the amount of strength it has to bind things, I don't know what purpose this fills in an office environment

Kevin: … It's used to hold paper together, Ms. Watson.

At this moment, Researcher Waters is given an indication that the trace has been completed.

Kevin: … Are you still there, Ms. Watson?

Waters: Yeah. I'm still here.

Kevin: Excellent. Now, would you mind providing a mailing address please so I may send you a complimentary staple remover?

Researcher Waters proceeds to offer the information for a Foundation-owned P.O. box.

Kevin: Perfect. I have your order logged now. You should be seeing your package in two-to-three business days. Is there anything else I can help you with while you're on the line?

Waters: Nope. I think we're done here.

Kevin: Thank you for your time and cooperation, Ms. Watson. Please contact us if you have any further questions about our products. Have a nice day.

Waters: You, too.

<END LOG>

Approximately four days later, a staple remover with "APP" inscribed on the top was retrieved from the P.O. box. The staple was successfully removed and reverted to its initial size and properties.

Addendum: Following Incident XXXX.2, the customer service line was traced to an office building within El Paso, Texas. Further investigation led to a office suite on the fifth floor with no address number designated to it.

Once the door was forced open, a fax machine5 accompanied by four human corpses was found in the far corner of the empty suite. The corpses were attached to the fax machine via a USB cable protruding from their mouths. Three of them wore ID badges, two of which bearing the names of the call service representatives.

A large amount of paper, surrounded the floor around the fax machine. Closer inspection of the papers showed that each one contained shipping information for many APP Inc. products, including the staple remover acquired by the Foundation.

As of this writing, the anomaly is awaiting classification.